Opportunity Costs, aka My Liberation

In the business world, every action is measured in terms of costs and benefits. For example, a firm does not invest in a new computer system if the cost of setting up and maintaining the system is greater than the long-term benefits. An accounting cost is the cost of pursuing a specific action. The opportunity cost is the value of the benefits that could have been earned by pursing an alternate action. For example, the opportunity cost of using a specific plot of land to build a movie theater, might have been what benefits could have been derived from using that same plot of land to build a book store. Opportunity costs are entirely theoretical. One cannot know exactly what would have happened if the alternative path was taken. One can only speculate, based on what he already knows. However, in business, the decisions are slightly easier to make, because there are numbers to work with. An owner or manager can look at statistics, or he can do market research, to determine which decision is the best. The problem is that no matter what decision is made, there is always the nagging feeling that said decision was wrong.

Outside the realm of business, though, these decisions become much more complex. The costs and the benefits are still very real; but they cannot be measured by any numerical standard. The currency is human emotion: an amount which cannot be quantified by any bank. While a person has statistics to help him make the decision whether or not to invest ¼ of the annual profit into foreign industry, all he has is his gut to tell him whether or not he should drop everything he is doing to follow his dream. Or whether he should finally try and take that extra step with someone that he has been friends with for years, at the risk of losing that friendship. Or whether he should come out of the closest and be honest with himself, despite the way he knows society will treat him. Or to end a relationship that he feels is going nowhere, with the looming possibility that all it would take to make it bloom is time. The problem with taking these risks is that there is just as much possibility that one is doing the wrong thing as it is that he is doing the right thing. There is no logical process to go through. There is no secondary data that can help, because the experience is different for every individual. This being said, both the costs and benefits are much greater. A failed business venture can very often be recovered from. A life decision is much harder to take back. If the right decision is made, the emotional rewards are astronomical. If the wrong decision is made, then one is very often miserable for the rest of his life.

Recent events have made me begin to ponder the opportunity costs that I incurred when I told her that it was over. When I decided that I could never be happy as long as I continued to allow myself to come secondary to her old flame. When I realized that when she was kissing me, all that she could think about was kissing him again. When she constantly compared my actions to his. When I decided that maybe, just maybe, I deserved better. No matter that she was the first person since my own old flame that made me feel like I could take on the world. Or that her smile had the ability to keep me blissful all day. Or that whenever I left her behind, all that I could think about was when I was going to see her again. Every day since I told her that I felt it was best if we went our separate ways; I have wondered what might have happened had I allowed the relationship to continue. Therefore, I decided to compile a list of the possible benefits and costs if I had decided to put up with the pain of feeling like a bad replacement.

Benefit: She might eventually get over him, and start to appreciate me for who I am, instead of comparing me to who I am not.
Cost: Every day that I spend with her, she might grow to resent me more and more for not being him.

Benefit: I can continue to feel uplifted by her youthful spirit. The pain of realizing that I am no longer a child is lessened while she is still there to make me feel like one.
Cost: Eventually I will realize that this is not a child’s world. As nice as it would be to keep playing games, everybody needs to grow up sooner or later. This includes her.

Benefit: I would never need to suffer the pain of seeing her in the arms of another man.
Cost: I might miss out on the opportunity to meet my true soul mate, out of false hopes of something that might never happen.

Annie Dillard once wrote “You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time, and build your wings on the way down.” It could have been very easy for me to let this relationship continue. All I would have needed to do was not say a word. I could very easily have continued to live each day in false bliss, while she was never feeling for me what I was feeling for her. She did not want to be alone, but at the same time, he is what she wanted, and I realized that. I cannot assess for sure what would have happened if I had taken the alternative to what I did. There are no equations I could have applied to determine if I would have been X percent more or less happy. All I know is that my heart told me what to do, and I followed it, no matter how difficult it was for me to do. I made a plunge. Maybe I will be able to build some wings before it is too late and maybe I won’t. What I do know is that at least I am not stuck in the nest anymore.